“And so it is summer, now what?”
Finally, the long awaited summer months have arrived! We entered June
full of hopes and joyous expectation. In anticipation of the
summer our psyche prepared numerous glorious experiences for our selves
and for our children. But oops! Unfortunately for many of us, reality
set in and dreams about “the lazy days of summer” became vapor.
Whether we work away from our home or are homemakers, we all face the
ultimate question: What do we do to keep our kids occupied and happy for
so many weeks? Without school hours and activities to build our days
around, we may feel even more stress and pressure. Our vision to create
a perfect balance for our family between recreation and productivity,
between replenishment and inspiration, and between “hanging out” and
“moving forward,” is in danger of dissolve. Aiming to please, we made
endless decisions and put forth enormous effort to create what is best
for each child and the collective whole of the family. But one phrase
uttered by our children can shatter our best pristine plans and
enthusiasm: “I am bored.” “I am bored” they complain,
“I don’t want to…….” (“…do what you want me to do”).
Boredom can be caused by many things: lack of perceived importance of an
event or lesson; redundant subject matter or experience; lack of
spontaneity; limited creative expression; or lack of discovery or
expansion in thought, feelings and activities, to name a few. Boredom
can be caused by having to relinquish control of individual pursuits in
order to accommodate a prescribed set of activities. Saying one is bored
could also be a ploy, a cover-up for an individual who is a
perfectionist and fearful to engage in a rather challenging endeavor
when there is no certainty of a positive outcome. Boredom can have many
meanings covering numerous occasions and circumstances. What is certain,
when one is bored an activity becomes dull, tedious and monotonous.
Whether in school, at work or at play, we can choose to not perform or
not display natural abilities and interests if we believe, and thereby
experience, a feeling of being harnessed. When we feel restricted from
being who we really are, or if we believe it is not safe and acceptable
to express some of the facets of our complex self, we withdraw. From the
outside we appear lazy, unmotivated, discontent, cranky, overly
sensitive and non-productive. However, from the inside out, we
actually feel sad, disillusioned, unrecognized, disrespected,
frustrated, and alone.
But what if this summer, we were to throw away the bells and whistles of
impractical dreams? What could summer become? If we were to
ask instead: What are the many things that would truly make us happy,
content, and engaged for more hours than not throughout the weeks ahead?
What could we do alone that would carry fond memories during the cool
winds of fall? Quite simply, what is truly essential to each of us? How
can we connect as a family? And, what could we share as a family that
would really matter? During the summer months, might we learn how to
eliminate (or diminish) expectations set by ourselves and by others to
perform at a certain speed, specific capacity, or anticipated outcome?
Might we instead pursue the answers to questions that define our
individuality, regardless of our age: What makes my heart sing? What
brings me the greatest joy? What has true meaning and purpose? And
equally important, how can I be of service to others?
Boredom and lack of productivity are intertwined, irrespective of where
we are or how old we may be. This summer, instead of engaging in old
ways of being, let there be some time and space for each person to
discover his/her inner spark. Additionally, this summer you may choose
to bring yourself and your family back into “balance,” that is, living
and enjoying all domains of the self (intellectual, emotional,
moral/ethical, physical and social aspects). Venture outside and let the
beauty of the earth surround and embrace you. Enjoy simple pleasures
that enliven your senses. Do the things you think about but do not often
take the time to do, for example: going to the park, museums, outdoor
concerts and theater, reading books and comics, play and listen to
music, do puzzles, play family games, expand your mind with an online
course, pursue a new skill, or build a Lego masterpiece! In
essence, do what your heart, mind and body desires making sure you
branch out and try new things, engage in an array of activities and
experiences, and not become fixated on any one thing. Remember,
being of service helps others while also bringing satisfaction and
meaning to oneself. Gifted children tend to care deeply about many
things. Help them funnel their caring nature into action by responding
to a community need or helping a neighbor. For example, very young
children have volunteered at the Humane Society petting and walking
dogs, or conducted a bake sale or garage sale and contributed the
revenue to a cause of choice. Learning to balance giving and receiving
is paramount in life, and offering help to another benefits both giver
and receiver. The summer months are a perfect time to become an active
citizen, contributing in our neighborhood and community.
In sum, this summer provide enough structure for comfort and order,
while supporting and aiding family members to listen to and follow their
own beat, pathway and passion, thereby learning to read the internal GPS
system. Enjoy a summer arranged to sustain family stability and
security, flexibility and expansion and watch those “boredom blues”
dissolve!
Answer provided by Patricia Gatto-Walden, Ph.D., nationally recognized licensed psychologist.